The Butcher | How to look pretty decent on Zoom

Once upon a time – and I swear this wasn’t that long ago – on-cam talents were the most spoiled people on the studio set.

Celebrities had their own stylists to select the wardrobe that best suits them. In fact, it actually took an entire team to glam up just one talent.

Hairstylists made sure that not a strand of hair was out of place before letting celebrities set foot within camera range. At times, preparations were done a day or so before the actual show. 

When hair extensions were still new in the market, for example, Regine Velasquez decided to do the opening of one Gawad Urian presentation with long flowing hair.  A day before the event, she stepped into Celeste Tuviera’s parlor at 5 p.m. with shoulder-length tresses and left the salon at close to midnight sporting long black hair that reached all the way past her waist. 

Makeup artists don’t necessarily have an easier time (some of them also serve as hairstylists, by the way). They can’t leave until the show is over since they have to do retouching in between takes or during commercial breaks. By the way, they are also expected to wipe the sweat of the talents. 

The pandemic took away all those privileges enjoyed by celebrities. Before the system for lock-in shoots was put in place, actors had to shoot via Zoom from their respective homes. Since movement within the metropolis was limited, nobody could avail of professional makeup services. 

Why, they even had to create their own backdrop that was required of every scene. An actor who opted to work during the early part of the pandemic last year therefore was left with no choice but to function as his own stylist, makeup artist and hairdresser. And yes, he also had to double as production designer.

When film and TV productions eventually decided to embrace lock-in tapings, the situation improved a bit for the actors. They were finally given a makeup artist who had to be shared by everyone involved in the project.

But with the worsening pandemic problem (sigh, even the lamda variant is here now), you can never tell when they will suspend lock-in tapings. If ever the government decides to put a stop to filming on location once more, production work may have to be conducted again via zoom. Artists have no other option, but to be self-sufficient.

I was never good at styling myself and may never have the flair for it. But having spent decades on television, I was able to pick up a few pointers on how to get by with on-cam work even without the help of stylists and makeup artists.

Let me share with you a few do-it-yourself styling tips for the benefit of celebrities who have to perform via zoom – or perhaps even for someone who has to appear before a cellphone camera for some YouTube program. Or maybe for those who have to do Zoom meetings from the comfort of home. 

Whatever I will share with you will not necessarily make you look like Alden Richards. You actually need good genes for that. But, at least, you won’t look like Quasimodo doing TikTok. 

Oh, by the way, most of what I will tell you may be applicable mostly to males. Most females, after all, will already know what to do with themselves. And so, here are a few pointers that hopefully may be helpful to you: 

* Invest on a good concealer – one that matches the shade of your skin. Get a good brand. Never mind if it is costly. A tube of concealer, after all, goes a long way. 

Use concealer under the eyes and also to cover blemishes and other skin imperfections. Apply it several minutes before you face the camera so that it has already blended well with your skin by the time you do your take. Now, don’t even ask me how to apply foundation. I wouldn’t know how to do it even if you poke a gun at me.

* Keep blotting paper on standby so that your viewers don’t mistake your scenes as outtakes from Aladdin and expect you to sing “shining, shimmering, splendid…” because of your oily face.

* Avoid parting your hair. Not on the side – especially, not in the middle. Parting your hair will make you look old.

I don’t know of any male today who still owns a comb. If you need to apply gel (go easy on it), your fingers will do the trick.

* By now, you probably already know that horizontal stripes make you look fat and that vertical lines will make you look slimmer. For women, that will also elongate them.

But for both men and women, wearing a V-neck shirt may also make the body look longer. So avoid round necks if you are conscious about your height – or lack of it.

* Brown is a rather tricky color. Some may be able to get away with it. But there are also those who may look untidy in brown outfit. Maybe that is the reason why Franciscans and Carmelites are garbed in brown since they are supposed to do away with vanity once they enter the religious life.  

* If you are an actress playing a rich role, stick to beige. If you have to wear prints, keep the patterns simple. As veteran production designer Fiel Zabat once told me, “those portraying rich parts onscreen are advised to sport attire that ‘don’t look too busy.’” 

* When you light yourself, make sure that it isn’t too strong that it already erases the eyebrows. That is one reason why the eyebrows even of male actors are brushed and drawn with eyebrow pencil. The only exception had always been Manila Mayor Isko Moreno. 

* Hope and pray that the signal in your house is good. That had always been my curse. Wherever I live, my signal is always bad. Since my signal is poor, my movements within the house is limited, especially when I have to do zoom interviews for this site’s This is Showbiz online program. 

I can only position my gadgets within a certain space. The safest spot is at the foot of the bed. It has a door with candy glass that is constantly penetrated by the afternoon sun from behind it. That makes it difficult for me to control my lighting because you don’t know how the sun will behave next. 

Also part of my backdrop are images of Catholic saints installed in niches. That’s my only consolation. I may not always look good in my zoom interviews, but, at least, I can pretend to be religious.

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